I’m pretty terrified of failure, which is a relatively new feeling. Used to be, if I failed, I didn’t care because it just meant I was back where I started. I didn’t have anything to lose. But I’m starting to realize that confidence is like a muscle and if you don’t tear the fibers and force it to grow back stronger, it will wither and die. So now I’m a little afraid of failure because there are actual stakes–I’m getting older, I’ve come pretty far in the last few years, I want different things, I have a lot more perspective.
2012 was a year without purpose. I kind of went through the motions until around August. It wasn’t until August that things started to change in a significant way. I have Holland to thank for that. Meeting her was the highlight of the year. In 2011, I had kind of a strange goal: I really wanted to be Ryan Gosling. But not even Ryan Gosling — I wanted to be any combination of Ryan Gosling characters. From the womanizer-turned-softy in Crazy, Stupid, Love to the hyper-stoic nameless driver in Drive even to the naive wunderkind in Ides of March. I just thought if I can be one of those, it’d be great, because being me wasn’t working out so well. Holland allowed me to feel more like myself than I have felt in a long, long time. I’m forever grateful for that. In a way, I feel like she rescued me.
My friend Ryan Sprinkle used always say: “Do a thing, idiot.” It’s a sentiment that has stuck with me because it basically means: anything is better than nothing. That’s going to be an ethos in 2013.
I’m not setting resolutions for 2013 because they have never worked for me. This year I am setting goals, some of which will be daily, some weekly, some monthly, and some unspecified.
1. Read for 20 minutes.
2. Write for 20 minutes.
3. Update journal app (Day One).
1. Lose 2 lbs.
2. Update this blog every weekend.
3. Lesson plan at least 1 week in advance.
1. Visit Mom and Dad once a month.
2. Write monthly reflections.
3. Visit 1 new place.
Big Creative Projects
1. Write two full scripts for Cryptozoo.
2. Continue to write/perform VAMP pieces.
This is maybe the first year I have felt optimistic about the oncoming year and I think one thing that has really helped me is that I’ve finally realized how long a year is. So many things can change. I mean one year from now: Barry will be married, Mom and Dad will have turned 60, I will have been with Holland for 18 months, the longest relationship I’ve ever had. When it all starts to feel overwhelming, I just remind myself: ODAAT — One Day At A Time.
That’s all really anyone can do. Have a very happy New Year, everyone.